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Punny Stock Market Summary

Helium was up.
Feathers were down. 

Paper was stationary. 

Knives were up sharply. 

Pencils lost a few points. 

Hiking equipment was trailing. 

Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. 

Light switches were off. 

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. 

Diapers remained unchanged. 

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. 

Balloon prices were inflated. 

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.